I rooted for Manchester City today and I’m disgusted with myself. But I didn’t have a choice. If Liverpool would’ve won, they’d be 10 points clear of second place, and let’s be real: that’d be tragic for us United fans.
You have to remember: we’re merely a few weeks into our post Jose Mourinho holiday, and the stench from his time in charge is still fresh in the air. It’s there to remind us everyday we’re nowhere near as good as Liverpool and Manchester City this season. And because our two biggest rivals might just be the two best teams in all of Europe, we only have one choice: dial up our cognitive dissonance and root against the only rival we can still out-banter.
If Liverpool fail to win the league for a 29th straight season, it will feel like the equivalent of us winning our 21st title. Granted, that feeling will only last a brief second before we realize our slick[mfn] Yes, the word ‘slick’ was meant to make you think of oil. #oilmoney [/mfn] neighbors decked in blue are the *actual* champions.
It’s okay, though. That one second of joy will give us just enough time to re-charge our cognitive dissonance to remember that Citeh’s latest trophy lift was financed by the oil money we kind of secretly wish we had at our disposal.
I must sound very salty. And that’s okay because I am. Liverpool and Citeh fans get to watch the best squad they’ve had in the modern era while I’m stuck dreaming about somehow clinching fourth place.
Now I must sound like a brat. Probably true, but I ‘m a spoiled Man United fan. You really shouldn’t expect anything less. At least I can finally start to look forward to the Red Devils taking the pitch on weekends now that Ole Gunnar Solskjaer is in charge.
It doesn’t feel like a chore watching United play anymore. I can finally get lost in the joy of watching the team I love play and spend less time thinking about how bad I *need* Citeh to win the title.
Or best case scenario: Spurs end up winning it.
Lol. Never mind.
*shoutout to ‘Dunes’ by Alabama Shakes for being my repeat song while writing this*